Breaking Up

So we had this unactivated and unnecessary credit account that needed to be cancelled. I called the company this morning to do the deed, and was startled to hear a reference to my "Relationship Manager." Even as I was wondering what was so wrong with the olden-days language of "Customer Service Representative," the automated system kept repeating the newfangled phrase ad nauseum.

"Press zero to speak to your Relationship Manager."

"Your Relationship Manager is occupied; please hold."

"Your Relationship Manager will be with you shortly. Thank you for your patience."

I had butterflies when my Relationship Manager finally picked up. Even though my credit line clearly had my best interest at heart, we decided that we didn't have enough in common. It just wasn't going anywhere. It was pretty easy as breakups go; having a Relationship Manager to mediate really softened the blow. And besides, my Relationship Manager ensured me that if I changed my mind, he would gladly take me back (for sixty days, after which I would have to apply for a new Relationship). I'm going to go get a box of Kleenex and watch Steel Magnolias now.

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