Thanks, Mr. Foreman

I'm rather turned off by celebrity-endorsed products. So when everybody and my mother got on the George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine bandwagon (that's one long bandwagon) a few years ago, I rolled my eyes and continued the time-tested practice of setting off smoke alarms every time I set foot in the kitchen.

And then when I was home a few weeks ago, Mama served up lemon pepper chicken, prepared on her trusty GFLMFRGM.

I knew I had to have one. Yum to the yum yum.

Last week I made a beeline to the extraneous appliance aisle of Target and found a handful of models on sale. I hemmed and hawed (do I need removable, dishwasher safe plates? Must I pay ten dollars extra for the "broil" feature, when I could simply hold the thing up myself to melt the cheese?) and finally took home a basic model.

This is where my happy grill story turns into a fairy tale. I hadn't even taken George out of the box yet when the meat man came knocking on my door. Literally. The traveling meat man was in Torrance within twenty-four hours of my purchase, and he chose our house to make a cold call. Normally, I send salespersons of all ilk packing (that's right; I don't even buy Girl Scout cookies), but when he slyly asked if I like steak, the GFLMFRGM in my peripheral vision forbid me to deny an opportunity for red meat. I ended up buying about a hundred bucks worth of meat, which turned out to be quite a lot of cow. (And to think, I used to be a vegetarian!) It's very much a knock-off of Omaha Steaks, but so far so good. That very night we got to give our GFLMFRGM a whirl, and I'm completely smitten. We've done steak, chicken, and pretty soon we're going to see how George likes eggplant. It's a whole new world in which cooking dinner does not feel like such an insurmountable task.

If only George had endorsed the Toddy Maker instead. I never would have wasted my cash on the George Foreman Lean Mean Acid-Reducing Coffee Machine, and I wouldn't have wasted away all these years without my GFLMFRGM. Such a shame.

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