7.19.2010

How Not To Celebrate Your Father's 70th Birthday

Do not, under any circumstances:

1. Call just minutes after you know their company arrived, asking to Skype just for three minutes so your 2.5 year old can sing happy birthday;

2. As soon as the Skype video chat begins, immediately and inexplicably fall to the ground with said 2.5 year old in your arms;

3. Have your internet drop out at this very moment, so your poor Pa and Ma (and company) have a frozen image not of you (because, after all you are sitting on the ground in a daze, trying not to cry as hard as your 2.5 year old is crying), but of the blank spot where you used to be, in addition to the chair that landed on its side a good three feet from where it should have been (which is to say, beneath your behind);

4. Call back on the landline, still in tears, so that your poor birthday-boy dad has to comfort you in the middle of his own birthday party;

5. Calm down and share the last piece of the leftover ice cream cake with your 2.5 year old, who clearly did not land as hard as you did.

Actually, you probably should do #5 if you ever happen to find yourself fulfilling numbers one through four.

At the very least, it gave my father an opportunity to do something he does very well: comfort an upset daughter.

Thank you, *D*, for being a wonderful father, and I hope my ongoing issues with gravity didn't put too much of a damper on your party. I love you.

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